How to foster sharing: Help children experience the “warm glow of giving”
By Gwen Dewar, Ph.D.
Are little kids hopelessly selfish? Many people assume so. But scientific research suggests otherwise. Like adults, children experience the warm glow of giving, and it’s a motivating force for good. How early in life do children feel this warm glow, and what can we do to nurture it — and encourage kids to share?
Psychologists call it “the warm glow of giving,” and it’s a well-documented phenomenon among adults. In fact, neuroscientists have tracked it in the brain. When we engage in acts of altruistic giving — helping others at a cost to ourselves — we experienced heightened activity in the brain’s reward centers (Filkowski et al 2016). And what’s interesting about giving is that we don’t become habituated to its effects — not easily.
In experiments where researchers compared giving and receiving, they found that people quickly became accustomed to receiving a daily cash prize. They reacted with progressively less happiness as the week rolled by. But if people gave these daily windfalls to someone else? The happiness didn’t diminish (O’Brien and Kassirer 2019).
So giving to others gives us an immediate, pleasant, physiological rush. Why? It’s probably related to the natural high we experience when somebody smiles at us (Yang and Urminsky 2018). Gift-giving is a pretty reliable way of eliciting that reaction. It may also depend on our ability to empathize and engage in perspective-taking.
But whatever the immediate triggers may be, it’s clear that this “warm glow” has good consequences. It motivates us to give. So we’re left with an important question about child development. How early does this phenomenon emerge, and can we use it to foster prosocial behavior in young children?
Experimental evidence: Even toddlers experience the warm glow of giving
Laura Aknin and her colleagues wanted to know, so they designed a pioneering experiment (Aknin et al 2012).
The researchers recruited Canadian toddlers — only 20 to 22 months of age — and introduced these children to a couple of strangers: A friendly human experimenter, and an equally pleasant animal puppet named “Monkey.”
The adult experimenter explained that Monkey liked treats, and pointed out that neither Monkey nor the child had any. Then experimenter pretended to discover some treats. (“Oh look! I found some treats!”) The experimenter gave them to the child.
The researchers were videotaping all of this, so they could capture the child’s emotional reaction when he or she first received the treats. And the camera kept running during the remaining part of the procedure, which included three additional events:
* The experimenter “found” another treat and gave it to the puppet. “Oh look! I found one more treat. I’m going to give it to Monkey!”
* The experimenter found (yet) another treat and asked the child to help hand it over to the monkey. “Oh look! I found one more treat. Will you give it to Monkey?”
* The experimenter pretended to look for further treats. No success. So the experimenter prompted the child to engage in what psychologists call “costly sharing.” The experimenter asked the child to donate a treat from his or her own, personal stash. “I do not see any more treats. Will you give one of your treats to Monkey?”
To make sure the order of these events didn’t affect outcomes, the researchers mixed things up. Some kids experienced the request to share first; others experienced it later, after they’d observed the adult experimenter give Monkey a treat. But by the end, every child had experienced all three events, and kids were cooperative when asked to give.
So how did children feel during the experiment?
When impartial, trained observers looked over the video recordings, they detected a little surge of happiness in children when they first met the puppet. Kids showed considerably less happiness when they received that initial, one-sided windfall of treats. But afterwards, moods improved — especially when kids engaged in sharing, and most especially when kids engaged in costly sharing.
Indeed, the children seemed to enjoy giving more than receiving. They displayed more happiness when they shared treats with Monkey. And the highest levels of happiness? Kids seemed to enjoy themselves the most after they handed over a treat from their own, personal stash.
A fluke? There were only 23 toddlers in this experiment, and we can always question whether the results of one, small study reflect chance factors. We should also be careful about generalizing from one culture to the next. These kids lived in Canada. Maybe Canadian children are raised to feel especially happy about giving.
Yet other, subsequent studies — conducted in several different societies — back up the central idea: Young children get a warm glow from being generous.
The warm glow of giving in cross-cultural perspective
To test their ideas on a different population, Lara Aknin’s group visited an isolated, rural village on Tanna, a small island in the South Pacific.
And, more recently, another research team — led by Yue Song — tested Aknin’s experimental procedure on 122 toddlers living in the Netherlands and 91 preschoolers living in China. Once again, the researchers found evidence for the “warm glow” of giving. Kids were happier when they shared — especially when their act of sharing came at a personal cost (Song et al 2020).
So it really does appear that young children enjoy the act of giving. And there’s additional evidence that such feelings prompt children to be generous. In a study of preschoolers, the kids who were most likely to be generous were the ones who had a conscious understanding of the psychological rewards of giving (Paulus and Moore 2017).
But hang on. How does this jibe with our everyday observations? Of conflicts? Of kids who refuse to share?
If the results of these studies seem to defy your everyday experience — if it seems that your toddler’s favorite word is “mine!” — consider the context. In the puppet experiments, children were guided by a friendly adult, and the amount of generosity requested from them was relatively modest. Kids with several treats were asked to spare a few for someone else.
It was costly sharing, yes, but the cost wasn’t especially high. Nobody asked the kids to hand over their cherished possessions. If your toddler is reluctant to trust her favorite toy with another child, we need to remember: This is a very normal reaction, and it isn’t only toddlers who feel this way.
I suspect most parents aren’t in the habit of sharing their most valued possessions with people they meet on the playground. And for young children, this kind of sharing may feel especially risky. They are lacking in authority, experience, and confidence. If I let Mike play with my toy truck, will he give it back? Maybe not!
So when it comes to these more risky acts of sharing, we need to cut kids some slack. It’s natural for young children to look out for themselves, and research confirms that the willingness to share takes time to develop. For example, 5-year-olds may be more receptive to the idea of sharing than 3-year-olds are (Friedrich and Schmidt 2022).
But none of this takes away from the main conclusion of the “warm glow” experiments. Even very young children get a pleasant buzz from acts of generosity, and that’s something we can build on.
How do we nurture sharing and generosity?
We can encourage kids to be generous by providing them with easy, non-threatening opportunities to give and share. And we can increase the likelihood of sharing by engaging in a little social engineering. For example, consider these findings:
1. Kids tend to emulate the prosocial behavior of characters in stories
In experiments, children became more generous immediately after an adult read them stories about characters who gave (Russell and Cain 2022).
2. Happy music puts toddlers in the mood to help
When 75 children (18 months old) listened to cheerful (as opposed to sad) music, they were more likely to help an adult who was struggling to reach an object (Sui and Ho 2021).
3. Watching happy videos may also boost generosity
Some young children — those with higher levels of empathy — became more giving immediately after watching video clips that induced good cheer (Guo and Wu 2021).
4. Kids may experience greater happiness from giving (and thus be more motivated to repeat acts of generosity) if they get to see the positive reactions of their beneficiaries
Makes sense, right? In experiments on 5-year-olds, children acted happier when they got to witness the positive emotional impact of their giving (Fast et al 2023).
5. Preschoolers may increase their willingness to share after we prompt them to think about emotional “what ifs”
In experiments on kids between the ages of 4 and 6, researchers found they could induce higher rates of sharing if they first primed kids to think about the emotional consequences of leaving someone out. For example, before putting children in a situation where they would be in a position to share, researchers asked kids qustions like these:
“If Olivia had two candies, and she didn’t share one with you, how would you feel?…If you had two candies, and you didn’t share one with Max, how would that make him feel?” (Shi et al 2024).
The results? Just thinking about these hypothetical scenarios led children to share more generously when a real-life opportunity arose.
So there’s reason to think we can “nudge” young children in the direction of generosity, but there’s a crucial caveat!
We need to be careful about appearing manipulative, transactional, or heavy-handed. As I discuss elsewhere, we can actually decrease helpfulness and generosity by offering tangible rewards for this behavior. And we need to avoid the use of force. When kids are forcibly required to give or share, they don’t experience the warm glow (e.g., Wu et al 2017).
It’s something that modern-day hunter-gatherers seem to understand. Learning to share is essential to their way of life, and they foster it in children from an early age. But they don’t do it by bossing their children around. Instead, the play little “sharing games” with their toddlers — teaching children to exchange beads and baubles back and forth (Konner 2011). It’s a lesson we might all put to good use.
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