How to Know If You’re in a One-Sided Relationship
Healthy relationships are all about give-and-take, respect, and equilibrium. Don’t be afraid to walk away from something that is not good for your mental well-being.
By Sartaz Nadir
April 3, 2025
Have you ever sat with your phone, waiting for a text, and wondering if you’re the only one who’s putting in any effort? If you have, then chances are you may be in a one-sided relationship. One-sided relationships have a tendency to leave you drained, frustrated, and even questioning your self-worth. But how do you know if you’re actually in one?
I’ve had relationships where I’ve given everything to make it work. I used to think, “If I keep giving, eventually it will come back to me.” But the more time passed, the more I realized that not all relationships are created equal, and sometimes it’s all about one person giving and the other person taking without reciprocating.
Here’s what I’ve learned from my own experience. Let’s look a bit closer at the signs that can tell you whether you’re in a one-sided relationship or not.
1. You’re Always the One Making the Contact
Imagine this: You’re the one who always makes the first move, whether it’s the initial text, the initial call, or planning the next outing. You might even think to yourself, “Maybe they’re busy.” But if you really think about it, the initiative isn’t being met.
Storytime:
I once dated a person who would always wait for me to make the first move. Whether it was planning a date night or sending a “good morning” message, I was always the one to make the move. I kept thinking, “Maybe they’re shy” or “Maybe they just need time.” But eventually, I figured out that it was because they didn’t care about the relationship enough to put in an effort.
It’s not games or waiting to see who blinks first — it’s about effort in common. If you’re the only one working to maintain the conversation or connection, it feels really lonely and unbalanced.
What You Should Do:
If you’re the one doing all the reaching out, it may be an indication that the relationship is not as balanced as it might be. Relationships are built on effort on both sides. If you’re the sole one putting in effort, it’s time to ask yourself if this is what you really want.
Here’s a suggestion: Be honest. Let your partner know that you feel you always have to initiate things. If they respect you, they will hear you and adjust. If not, then you may need to weigh if this is the kind of dynamic you desire to have in this relationship.
2. They Make Excuses, Not Effort
When you request more, do they promise to turn it around but fail to do so? If the person you’re dating is constantly making excuses for why they’re not making an effort — whether it’s work, school, or matters of personal nature — it can be a red flag.
Personal Experience:
I remember once that I had to sit down with my partner and discuss the future of our relationship seriously. But whenever I raised the matter, they would change the topic or leave by saying they weren’t ready to talk about it. Over time, I felt I was the only one interested in moving things forward.
It can be frustratingly maddening to watch the person you love consistently avoid fixing things that really matter. Rather than doing what it takes to make things better, they’re choosing temporary respite through sidestepping uncomfortable conversations.
What You Should Do:
An open, honest relationship is a healthy relationship. If a person keeps on making excuses for not having the necessary conversations or putting in any effort, it’s a sign that they may not be as emotionally invested as you are.
Tip: Set limits. If your partner is a habitual excuse-giver, let them know that you’re entitled to be heard and that your needs and concerns are valid. Both individuals have to be open to showing up and fighting the tough stuff in a relationship for it to move forward.
3. Your Needs Are Ignored or Dismissed
When you are in a relationship, both partners must listen and be heard. But when you are in a one-sided relationship, your emotional needs will be dismissed or ignored in general. You will feel as if no matter how hard you try to express your emotions, they receive no attention whatsoever.
A Hard Lesson Learned:
In one relationship, I had explained to my partner how I felt about wanting more attention and affection. I was brushed off quickly: “You’re just overthinking.” I felt invalidated and unheard. That’s when I knew my emotional needs weren’t being taken seriously, which is a requirement in any healthy relationship.
When a person doesn’t respect your needs or constantly downplays your feelings, it is a toxic dynamic in which you end up questioning your value. You feel like your feelings aren’t important to them, and that undermines your self-esteem.
What You Should Do:
If your partner is constantly ignoring or downplaying your needs, then it is time to sit them down and have a serious conversation. Make it clear that your feelings matter and need to be heard. If they continue to ignore your feelings, then it may indicate that the relationship is not balanced.
Tip: If it persists again and again, back off. You ought to have someone who cares for your emotional needs and works towards meeting them. You need to build an environment where the two of you feel understood and cared for.
4. They Don’t Make Time for You
When someone is truly invested in a relationship, they’ll make time for the other person. But if you’re constantly the one adjusting your schedule or waiting for them to make time, something’s off.
Storytime:
I used to date someone who always had some reason for not being able to get together — work, social events, or just being “too tired.” I started realizing that while I was going out of my way to spend time with them, they never really made any effort to spend time with me. That is when the harsh reality dawned: I was always accommodative in my life for theirs, but they were not for me.
What You Should Do:
In a balanced relationship, both partners make time for each other. If your partner consistently avoids spending quality time with you, it’s important to recognize that the relationship might not be as mutual as you’d like it to be.
Tip: Be direct about your needs. If you need quality time and your partner is always busy, let them know how this affects you. It’s necessary that both of you make each other’s time a priority, even during hectic times.
5. You Feel Exhausted, Not Energized
Another one of the most obvious signs of a one-way relationship is the emotional sense that you experience when in the presence of the other person. Are you feeling energized and loved, or do you find yourself feeling exhausted and unappreciated? Any healthy relationship will have you feeling energized, loved, and appreciated. With a one-way relationship, however, you find yourself feeling emotionally exhausted.
A Moment of Realization:
There was a time when I was more emotionally drained than fulfilled in my relationship. Every interaction was like I was shouldering the emotional load. I realized that I was giving and not receiving, and it impacted my emotional and mental health.
What You Should Do:
If your relationship is draining you of your energy or making you feel worthless, then you need to take a time-out and find out if you are receiving the love and support that you deserve. Emotional balance is the foundation of every healthy relationship.
Tip: Don’t forget to tune in to yourself from time to time. If you find you’re becoming emotionally drained, take a time-out and schedule time for your own needs. Remember, you’re also giving and receiving the care and nurturing a quality relationship demands.
Final Thoughts
Be attuned to the one-way relationship hints to your emotional health. If you consistently make the effort and your partner does not care or is not interested, then sit down and have a real heart-to-heart conversation about where the relationship is going. You deserve a partner who will also make the same effort you do and love you just as much as you love them.
If you find yourself feeling worthless or drained all the time, you need to reconsider the relationship. Healthy relationships are all about give-and-take, respect, and equilibrium. Don’t be afraid to walk away from something that is not good for your mental well-being.
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